After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
