Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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