i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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