do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
