I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
