you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
