Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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