You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You are a genius and a whore.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
