Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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