She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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