I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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