If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
