**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
