I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
