those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
