WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
