this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
