It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
