Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
