I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We are all done wearing pants today
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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