i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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