bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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