he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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