i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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