I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i now understand why vodka
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
