Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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