The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
