You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
