nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
