Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
