Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
