Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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