Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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