Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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