Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
