Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
