Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Plan B is the new Plan A
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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