She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
