this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
