Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
