As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
