She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
