k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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