I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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