cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dignity is for republicans.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
