you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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