I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
