counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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