The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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