I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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