In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
