I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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