Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
