I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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