Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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