the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The Olympian is in my bed
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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