I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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