fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
