Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
