I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize