living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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