I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
