the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
