I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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