The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
