this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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