I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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