My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
