I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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