I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize