this just has baby written all over it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
