Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
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corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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