i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
babies were throwing up all over the place
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
