I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
