that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
